


Our Hyperreal Reality.

by reinwrites



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Hospitalization, M/M, TW: Hospitals, glass barriers, hinted norenhyuck!, i promise no one dies!, lowkey friends vibes, mentioned death, renjun has a heart condition, side markmin!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23288854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinwrites/pseuds/reinwrites
Summary: Donghyuck has always dreamed of showing Renjun a life beyond the glass box.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41
Collections: dream jukebox fest: round one





	Our Hyperreal Reality.

**Author's Note:**

> "if you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of." - Bruce Lee. 
> 
>   
> NOW PLAYING ♪: Buzzcut Season - Lorde.  
> [ song link! ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3ShTaJBCOclymogQNzPde7?si=JAu7_YZzRdW7gAedq3KoYQ)

Palm to palm is known widely to be the holy lovers kiss, William Shakespeare wrote that. Although William Shakespeare didn’t picture Romeo and Juliet to be set in a hospital, glass separating each other. A petite and brown haired boy dressed in a dull brown coat sat crossed legged on the other side, forehead pressed against the glass. With every breath he took, his face dropped - he was weak. The breathing tube was a placebo. Donghyuck knew that he wasn’t getting any stronger but deteriorating drastically. 

“I’ll take you out. I promise we’ll do everything you want to do.” He whispered. The aching glass stopped him from reaching out and taking the boy into his arms. Renjun, who sat on the other side, had tears staining his tinted red cheeks. 

“But what if we run out of time?” He sobbed, pressing his hands harder against the glass. His list was long but it was doable. Donghyuck knew they had the entire summer but with Renjun’s condition it was impossible that he’d always get cleared to go out if they planned things. “Baby boy, we’ll never run out of time, we have 3 months.” Hearing this, the boy showed signs of a small smile. 

“I wish I could hug you.” Renjun sighed, “I really miss your hugs. You’re so cuddly and warm. I love them.” Donghyuck hasn’t hugged Renjun for 6 months. 6 months that he has been confined in this glass box for his protection. 

“My heart can’t handle you right now.” Donghyuck came even closer to the glass, wishing he could just hear the other’s irregular heartbeat on his chest.

“Funny you say that because mine can’t either.” That was the thing about Renjun whenever he was faced with a tough situation, he’d always crack a joke to switch the mood around. Donghyuck always wondered how such a serious condition could be changed into a joke, but he was mesmerized when Renjun did it. 

He was mesmerized by a lot of things Renjun did actually. The way his hair would part in the same direction, how his voice would squeak if he laughed too hard and the way his heart would slow when they were together. Being together wasn’t something new to them, although recently they had confessed their further feelings. But with Renjun still confined, they promised they’d start trialing their relationship when he was let out which would make the summer so much more memorable. 

Renjun’s heart was like anyone else's although with a different set of rules. He wasn’t allowed to experience that heart fluttering feeling of excitement or happiness, or else he’s heart would go into shutdown. He was to be isolated away from people or things that could trigger his heart to experience extreme palpitations but he defied against what they recommended anyways. He always watched the sky constantly turn from light to dark behind another window. Nature was a thing of the past, sunflowers and four leaf clovers were considered ancient artefacts. He could remember asking a nurse if he could go and lay in the grass while watching the clouds, she gave him a mat of fake grass and a projector where he could display clouds on the ceiling. Renjun could remember being grateful but there was nothing more than just wanting to be outside in the fresh air and with all the ants crawling over his body.

“Have you asked them if you could leave lately?” Donghyuck placed his forehead against the glass, watching the boy take a deep breath that racked his body. The boy nodded, “I’ve asked them six times in the past three days. They just all keep saying…” 

“No.” Donghyuck whispered as the boy sighed. “I’m sick of being told no. I just want them to say yes for once! Don’t they know keeping me here is making it worse.” 

“I know baby.” He could hear how his breath became quicker and quicker. “I want to be like you. I want to run again! I want to jump into the water and swim around. I want to be cuddled up to you. I want to go back to school. I want to watch a football game. I want to-” The beeping on the monitor quickened. Donghyuck’s eyes fled to the button as he watched the boy continue to choke on his breath. He locked eyes with the boy and as much as Renjun didn’t want him to press the button, he could tell he was struggling to slow down the rapid heartbeat.

“D-don’t.” He sobbed, gripping the glass harder with every breath. Donghyuck couldn’t bear to see him be in pain, so with an arm length away from the boy, he pushed the bright red button. 

“W-why? I-I'm fine.” Renjun wheezed out moving towards his bed. The boy watched as he tried to pull himself up towards the duvet cover. “Baby, you’re struggling.” Renjun’s tiny body racked with the combination of sobs and the struggle to breath. Doors flew open as they unlocked the glass box into Renjun’s room, nurses ran in and helped maneuver the boy to lay before placing a standard breathing mask over his nose and lips. The boy's eyes rolled to immediately find Donghyuck’s helpless ones. 

“I’m sorry sir, but you have to leave.” A taller lady with a clipboard directed him to the exit. He nodded in response, leaving towards the door. Although he turned back to the boy and mouthed,  _ ‘Stay strong.’  _ with a nod of understanding from Renjun, he left. 

As Donghyuck sat in the driver’s seat, wrists perched over the dashboard and an empty heart. He watched as ambulances pulled up within the extended driveway pulling out stretchers of people of all shapes and sizes. He couldn’t help but watch as these helpless people lay in the protection of others. He felt guilty as to why out of everyone in the world these helpless and innocent people were the ones who had to prevail? Life’s stupid, it doesn’t make sense. If the world was according to Donghyuck’s word, he’d make Renjun the healthiest person out of everyone living - although the world doesn’t work like that. 

The drive back to his shared apartment was quicker than most days, probably because he had skipped the rush hour traffic due to staying later at Renjun’s room. He threw the keys into the designated ceramic key bowl and walked towards the living room. 

Spread out along the coffee table was his roommate, Jeno with his glasses half sliding off his nose and an array of opened and violently highlighted textbooks spread out along the length of the table. On the couch was a different story, Jaemin and Mark were snuggled up close to each other. Jaemin’s pink hair was curled into the side of the blonde’s neck. It sort of looked like a bunch of trees from the Lorax if you asked Donghyuck. With a sigh, he took a seat in the singular armchair away from the sleeping fest on the other sofa. 

Paused on the television was a documentary, more specifically a medical one. He must’ve been brushing up on some older topics while studying the new content.You see, Jeno always wanted to be a surgeon. And as disgusting as it was, he felt like that could make a change and give another chance to someone. Although, more specifically he wanted to specialise as a cardiothoracic surgeon to help people like his best friend, Renjun. 

AP subjects here and there and that’s how he wound up in one of the best colleges on the east coast following his dreams, unlike Donghyuck who had no idea what to do. Don’t get him wrong, Donghyuck loved independence although his attempt at entrepreneurship failed when Jaemin stole all the money to their 4th grade lemonade stand and he knew it wasn’t for him. Nowadays, when people ask him exactly what he planned to do after senior year, he’d just shrug.

“You’re back? It’s pretty late.” Jeno yawned and rubbed his eyes, not noticing his glasses were about to slip off. “Shit.” There they go. He reached his hands to find them before placing them atop his nose. “How’s Renjun?” 

Donghyuck pursed his lips, “I had to push the button again.” Jeno’s attention was immediately directed back to the boy. 

“Again? Donghyuck, that’s three times this week!” A hand ran through his tangled hair as it followed down to the back of his neck. “He’s not going to get out for the summer at this rate.” 

“He’s trying. You should’ve seen what they brought him today.” He dug into his pocket to pull out a flower made out of paper, red paper mache as the petals and green as the stem.

“Paper seriously? He’s not allergic to the outside! Why can’t they bring him a flower pot? Or even a patch of grass that’s actually real?” Jeno hated the way the cardiology unit treated Renjun. He’d always mentioned how they treated him like he was a fragile five year old and it pissed him off. 

“If he actually sees something real, his heartbeat could spike up again.” Donghyuck mumbled, maneuvering himself to be more comfortable. 

“Could? Seriously, they are just saying that so they can keep rejecting his application.” Jeno scoffed as he pressed the play button on the remote, sparking the television documentary back up. And as much as Donghyuck wanted to disagree with the hopeful cardiologist, he was right. There was no way they’d let Renjun out. 

Later that night as Donghyuck laid awake on top of his single bed, his mind drifted to the boy. He could picture the brunette leaning against the glass watching the stars and moon make their nightly visit, he could also imagine the boy ignoring the nurse’s wishes for him to sleep beside his constant yawning. He couldn’t wait to finally take the boy’s hand and lead him out into the world outside once again. There were so many things he couldn’t wait for like his smiling face or to be able to cuddle him or for Renjun to finally be free. So many things that they could do, but that could all be broken if the nurses didn’t believe Renjun was getting any better. 

If they never did let him go out, he could bring what Renjun wanted to do straight to him. He could always borrow Jaemin’s nature oils and diffuser or Jeno’s VR set and transport him to a forest where it was just them. He could always go and buy a metre of real grass and place it down where they could have a picnic. If that was the case, it was possible. Everything is possible when you’re doing it for the person you care most about. 

The next morning, the shared flat was empty. Mark and Jaemin had gone off to critique some new breakfast bar for their blog and Jeno went to the start of his summer medical extension classes - which left Donghyuck alone. And as much as he wanted to visit Renjun, he couldn’t. 

You see, the hospital had this stupid curfew thing where vistors couldn’t see friends or family until 11am to give time for paitents to do their recommended activies, shower, eat and all the other stuff. From what he remembers, Renjun hates curfew. He wished _ he could be able to fall asleep and wake up looking at the boy.  _ Originally, this specific ward never had curfews but until an incident happened a couple years back, they had been introduced with precautions. And for the petite brunette boy, it was a glass box. 

On the plus side, they let him paint the glass with some non-toxic acrylic paints. Out of all the things he could’ve painted on that box, he drew flowers. Probably because he was a huge sucker for anything remotely related to the outdoors. From when the boy was young, he’d always adventure to the nearest park. It had a statue of a famous explorer with a telescope and Renjun loved nothing more than to climb to reach the top of his world. Sadly, the park had been involved in a fire due to an incident at the construction company next door. Gas cylinders that lined the blueboard of the building exploded causing a ball of flames to light up the brunette’s eyes. Nature that he once loved was now etched into his brain as a murder. It wasn’t a happy place, it had the ability to cause harm. To those people and now, himself. 

Donghyuck remembered watching as people ran from the building, he remembered watching as both the death and injury tolls piled up. His mother ran towards the television as an eight year old Donghyuck watched with fear. The numbers didn’t scare him nor did the sight of the fire but what scared him the most was coverage. People didn’t care that these people were scared for their life. The newsreaders sat still, the traffic lights still changed colours and Donghyuck’s life still continued on. 

People actually take for granted how lucky they actually are or how they can continue to be happy and healthy where some people are locked away, scared of their worst fears, afraid to be themselves or terrified to take that first step. People like Renjun didn’t get a happy ending, or an entire one. There was always that fear that tomorrow could be the last day he’d ever get to see his toothy grin and it sucked. 

A phone rang from the corner of the auburn beside the table, the caller ID drowned in variations of pink hearts with a boy sticking his tongue out posing for the camera.  _ Renjun.  _ His lips upturned as he swiped the green to see the timer ticking upwards. 

“You are so cruel Lee Donghyuck.” A husky voice startled him from the otherside. He must’ve had a hard night if his voice sounded so broken and muffled. 

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, placing the phone against his shoulder and ear. “Are you okay?” 

“In what way?” Renjun’s sarcastic tone took over. “My head’s pounding like it’s constantly been shoved into those old school bells and my body is just so weak.” 

  
“Honey, you shouldn’t have gotten all worked up yesterday.” Donghyuck mumbled. 

“I can’t help it! I didn’t mean to, I swear.” 

“I know you didn’t, baby. Calm down, you’re okay.” He listened as the boy took three deep breaths in and out. With each exhale, he could hear the wheezing from his throat. It made him a little hesitant to whether or not he was actually taking care of himself. 

“Hey Flower Boy, do you have a nasal cannula on?” Fun fact, Jeno had taught him the real name for the nose breathing tube that Donghyuck had never known the name of. 

“I don’t really need it. I can breathe without it!” He sounded so cheerful but he couldn’t ignore how croaky his breath sounded when he’d laugh. As much as the boy was happy about it, he needed to get it back on or else whatever this was could get worse. 

“Renjun. I think you should put it back on.” He hated having to do this to ruin his happiness. The laughing noses from the other side of the phone screen died down and it broke the boy’s heart. “You’re breathing sounds really off today.” 

“I know but if the nurses say I don’t need it, then I don’t need it.” He mumbled obviously shifting around some type of metal thing close to him. 

  
“Hang on, did you say the nurses told you not to?” A soft agreement came from the boy. “Are you kidding me? Haven’t they heard from you today?” Donghyuck grabbed a tight grip on his phone, pressing it closer to his ear. 

“Donghyuck, I don’t have respiratory issues. I don’t need it.” Renjun’s voice was too reassuring for him. It sounded so sure that this was exactly what needed to be done. But that was right, Donghyuck was just some kid with no path and no medical background. If he had to ask someone the person he needed to ask was Jeno. 

“Why the hell did you ask me to meet for coffee on a thirty eight degree day?” Jeno whined, unbuttoning the first button on his dress shirt. 

“I have some questions for your big medical brain.” Donghyuck slid the menu slowly to the confused boy. 

“I don’t have a big brain. If anything, I’m literally tired and exhausted from listening.” 

  
“Stop complaining you big baby and help me! It’s about Renjun.” Jeno’s interest peaked at the mention of the boy’s name. “It is mainly about that thing you taught me about, the nasal cannula?” 

“What about it?” Jeno said, eyes probably wandered off in the back of his thoughts. 

“Well, he called this morning and his breath was-”

“Wheezing?” Donghyuck nodded, “Yeah, it was.” 

“Well, the only explanation could possibly be that they are ignoring the respiratory failure because of his acute heart failure. The nurses aren’t noticing that they could possibly use the high-flow therapy through the nasal cannula to help aid him.” Donghyuck’s face was probably screwed up in all different directions. Medical talk was literally word vomit and it made no sense - at all. 

“Can you like dumb that down for me? Please?” Donghyuck nervously laughed away the embarrassment of not understanding Jeno’s intelligent medical knowledge. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t leave you hanging.” He sighed as his eyes once again drifted away. Probably to rephrase everything he had just spoken about into entirely new words. “We know Renjun has something called CHD, right?” Donghyuck nodded. “So, that’s called Congenital Heart Disease and usually people are born with it. Although, Renjun only recently started showing symptoms of having it but that’s not a worry. The thing is that his respiratory system, like his lungs are starting to shut down and they don’t know why. If the nurses aren’t making him wear that nasal cannula it’s doing more harm than good.” 

“And you believe that they’re doing this so he doesn’t get out?” Donghyuck questioned. Jeno replied with a simple nod. 

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s more common for Renjun’s excitement and emotions to trigger a sudden cardiac arrest or heart attack but, this is just asking him to deteriorate. And if you want him to be stable when you two finally spend the summer together, I’d be forcing him to wear it.” Renjun wouldn’t listen to him, especially when it came to anything related to his health. The only person he’d listen to was Jeno and there was no way that boy was going to step foot into the cardiology ward without fanboying. 

“He won’t listen to me! I pressed the button and he’s kind of terrified I’d do it again.” 

“I’ll talk, go and talk to him.” Jeno smiled. 

“No, no! Last time you went there the staff were practically fighting over you for them to be their assistant..and that was three hours of hell for me.” 

“I promise! I’ll just go and see Renjun. He’ll listen to me.” Jeno grabbed the files he had placed on the table before sitting up.

“So, no coffee?” Donghyuck asked, pointing to the coffee sign.

“No coffee. It’s boiling Hyuck! Are you out of your mind?” He laughed before walking back to his tiny red scooter. Jeno had a point, the heat was practically sweltering his skin at that moment. God, he hated the sun. Donghyuck had decided to spend the afternoon inside another coffee shop scrolling through the couple’s food blog. On their Instagram page, there were too many photos of food and an emphasis on way too many couple photos. They were cute together. Honestly, Donghyuck could never have guessed that those two had the hots for each other but, it happened. 

Jaemin was an up and coming pastry chef and Mark was a local critic like his father, he inherited the family business so he could accommodate Jaemin's interests as well. Although everyone knew that Mark liked Jaemin’s pastries the most, he'd never admit it. Donghyuck knew Jaemin through a one-time cooking class his father had forced him to go to. “If one of us cooks, your mother would never complain that we do nothing.” Is what he said, and if he didn’t, he probably wouldn’t have met his close friend. As he refreshed the page, he saw a new post had been uploaded. It was a picture of Jaemin kissing Mark’s cheek. Donghyuck sighed as he double tapped before swiping off back to the main feed. 

He was met with a photo of a metal pole with a clear tube filled with an unknown fluid.  _ Renjun _ . It was his ‘reassure page’ as he liked to call it. He’d say that when he felt like he was at his worst, he could scroll through and look at times when they believed he wasn’t going to make it and be grateful that he had come so far. The post was filled with many supportive comments and he was happy that Renjun had people who cared about him as much as he did until he saw the most recent comment. 

_ qazed34_0: it’d be better if you died, give it to some important kid who deserves the treatment more than you.  _

Donghyuck’s heart dropped down into the depths of his queasy stomach. He couldn’t imagine what could happen if Renjun had seen this comment, he’d feel guilty and that’d push his confirmation on leaving out the damn door. If Donghyuck was given three wishes, he’d use them on the peite boy. One to be healthier, one to leave and one to live for as long as he could. It didn’t really hit him that there was a giant clock hanging above Renjun’s life, one thing and potential death. 

Another day passed, another night arrived at the shared apartment. (read: Mark’s apartment since he actually had money to buy it.) Jeno once again sat in front of the television with his medical textbooks, although this time he was growling as he read a certain passage. He sounded frustrated, but what was new? 

“Earth to Bear? Hello, I can hear your growling from over here and it’s ruining my food.” Donghyuck sarcastically mumbled before showing a nacho into his mouth.

“Then move? It’s clear I’m busy here and I don’t want to be disturbed.” Jeno gritted through his teeth as he copied a sentence from the textbook into his workbook.

“You have a room for that.” Donghyuck swallowed. “It even has its own do not disturb sign!” 

“Just fuck off Donghyuck.” And, he was moody. Something must’ve happened during his afternoon class for him to be this grumpy. “Just, please go away.” His tone a lot softer and sincere hit him differently. 

“Is everything okay?” Jeno shook his head. “Our class went on an excursion to the hospital to the cardiology unit and we saw Renjun.” He sighed. “They had gotten permission from the hospital to talk about his case and how many attempts his ‘unencouraging’ friends have tried to get him out. They also explained how he had some rare problem that nobody had looked into yet and that they couldn’t risk damage and a loss of information he could be to future patients.” 

“He’s not going to be released?” Donghyuck’s voice became smaller. 

“There’s no way Hyuck unless we try once more but, we know they’ll say no.” Jeno’s head dropped onto the textbooks. 

“It’s okay, we tried our best.” Donghyuck sat up from the armchair and scooted his way to where Jeno was sitting on the floor. He embraced the boy in his arms, listening to his soft sobs. 

“I thought we’d finally be able to get him out.” Jeno lips quivered, tears staining the sentence he just wrote. “We were so close.” 

Life worked in weird ways. No matter what you hoped and dreamed for, it never became a reality unless you’d been royalty in your past life or you just had a special connection with luck. After six months of trying to get their best friend out, it was clear that the world was against the idea of them being happy. It started to seem like the summer they talked about would never become a reality, and instead had to be spent on seperate sides of the glass. 

“Jeno, we’re going to get him out. Even if we have to sneak him out each night.” Donghyuck whispered to the inconsolable boy. “We’re going to get our Renjun and give him the best summer of his life.” 

The plan wasn’t simple, but they had decided to try to ask for Renjun’s discharge one last time. They wanted to be told no, one last time so they knew this was the right idea. Currently waiting outside of Renjun’s room, Jeno and Donghyuck shared the same nerves they had felt only a couple days prior. A doctor approached them this time, no longer was a nurse responsible for the answer they knew they were going to hear. 

“Boys, you’re here again.” He spoke, looking at his watch. “Is there something that you’d like to ask me?” He looked back and forth between the two boys. As Donghyuck opened his mouth to speak, Jeno pushed in front of him. 

“Sir, we are here to ask your opinion in discharging Renjun for the summer.” Jeno placed his hands behind his back, standing up tall and confident. Donghyuck embraced the boy’s hand on his own. 

“Huang Renjun? Cardiology?” The doctor spoke to which Jeno nodded.

“Sir, we believe that limiting him here is deteriorating his condition. We, as his close friends, feel that if he was allowed outside and able to go back home that possibly he would be able to progress drastically.” Where has that been Jeno? All this time of asking, and he never spoke about that? 

“I’m sorry boys, but we cannot allow Master Huang out of this hospital.” The doctor bowed respectfully before walking down the corridor. 

“We tried Hyuck. They’re not going to listen to us.” Jeno mumbled, turning around and hugging the boy. As Donghyuck let himself fall into the boy’s embrace, he felt as if someone was watching them. Looking up, the doctor was standing in front of them. 

“You’re right. He needs to get out.” The doctor admitted sadly. “I can’t bear to see his puffy eyes looking out the window every time I check his vitals.” 

“So, you’re saying that he can leave for the summer?” Donghyuck spoke softly to which the doctor smiled. “No fucking way!” Donghyuck yelled, hugging Jeno tightly. “Let’s go and tell him!” He grabbed his hand before opening the door to Renjun’s room. Inside sat the boy behind the glass painting the stem of a flower. Lip caught between his teeth as he watched the paint disperse along the line. He looked so content and peaceful.

“Renjun! Renjun! Hey!” Donghyuck rushed to where he was sitting, startling the boy. 

“Hey! What’s up?” He sounded sleepy, but not the point.

  
“They said yes! They’ll finally let you out!” Donghyuck lent his palm on the glass as he watched the boy’s reaction. Renjun lips upturned and his eyes lit up in happiness. 

“I finally get to be with you!” He smiled, leaning his palm against Donghyuck’s. “I finally get to smell the air and walk barefoot on the grass!” He laughed, holding his chest. “I get to do everything I want.” 

And that look of happiness was something Donghyuck wanted to last forever. The boy’s smile was beaming as he watched the nurses unlock the glass entrance to the box. His nose twitched in response to the new air. To even have the feeling of Renjun in his arms again made his heart want to grow legs and run away due to the overwhelming feelings. Febreze was what he smelled like, probably because of his sinus or something related to those problems. 

“It’s good to see you buddy.” Jeno smiled, standing off to the side of the two boys. He was probably trying to find some type of familiarity by being close to the hand sanitiser. The black haired boy opened his arms wide, gesturing for his friend to come closer. Renjun smiled, pulling away from Donghyuck before leaping into Jeno’s arms. Donghyuck couldn’t help but feel a little nervous about Renjun with Jeno, but he pushed that aside for another time. 

“Jeno! I’m so glad to see you again! Did you start well in your classes?” He laughed, pulling his sweater tighter. Jeno hummed a response, “Yeah, I’ve learned a lot already.” To which Donghyuck knew exactly what the boy was thinking, he still couldn’t believe what the professor said.

“So, when do we go? Do I get to see Jaemin and Mark too? Tell me, are we going overseas or to Disne-” Renjun was cut off by a strong grip on his forearm - the nurse. She stood beside the boy with her stern eyes, burning curses into his eyes. “Stop it.” Renjun tried to pull her hand off, “You’re hurting me.” He struggled even more before Jeno pulled the boy closer. 

“Don’t think this will be a walk in the park.” She snickered, “It’ll be even worse out there than in here. You won’t have people to protect you, you won’t have the help you require.” She laughed, letting go before pumping the sanitiser bottle and walking away. Donghyuck stuck the finger at her. 

“Come on Ren.” Donghyuck sighed, pulling him towards the door. “Let’s go and talk to the doctor, hm?” Both boys helped a shaky Renjun out of the room and into the unknown. 

The doctors room smelt of disinfected - lemongrass apparently since Jeno was so observant and everything was labelled and organised. With a quick glance at Renjun, Donghyuck saw the boy take in a shaky breath. 

“We’re still going to be monitoring you while you are out and about doing whatever it is that you want to do. We’d love it if two times a week, you’d come in and see us. We can check everything and make sure you’re not dead.” Renjun let out a little chuckle, nodding. After that, it was just precautionary stuff and questions by both boys. Renjun could feel the pounding in his heart spike when they stood up to leave.

“We’ll be right here next to you.” Jeno softly grabbed one of Renjun’s hands before Donghyuck intertwined the other. The sliding doors opened at the front of the hospital reception, bringing a strong breeze into the boy’s face. One deep breath and his lungs felt alive again. The wind shaped his face into the once bright and optimistic feeling he had felt those months ago. 

“I missed this.” He laughed, walking out the doors and tugging the boys with him on either side. “Take me home!” He started to run towards the front gate, smiling. 

Jeno had driven them to the hospital and were currently driving them home. All the windows were down as Renjun sat in the back admiring the outside. 

“Let him go up the top!” Donghyuck laughed, arm hanging out the window. Jeno pushed a button which opened the sun roof, leaving a small hole above where Renjun sat. “Stand up Ren!” Donghyuck turned back to him. 

He watched as if the boy was a bird who struggled to fly, pushing himself up from where he sat to grab onto the open roof. Extending his legs, he was above the car and within the breeze. 

“Put your arms out!” Jeno yelled as he turned up the radio as Lorde's  _ Buzzcut Season _ started over the radio. 

“Ren! It’s your favourite song!” Dognhyuck yelled up at the boy whose smile was so hard to describe. The boy in the wind let his left hand go from the roof and spread it out before doing the same to the right hand. With both hands outstretched it felt as if he was free, even though he was just in the sunroof of Jeno’s car on the motorway. A scream came from the boy as the wind brushed through his hair. He had finally felt the first step of freedom. 

When they got home, Renjun’s hair was a mess but his heart was still beating - that’s all that mattered. He was excited and his heart handled it, maybe the hospital was as stupid as Jeno thought. 

“Jaemin, Mark?” Donghyuck yelled as he opened the front door. “Just letting you know we’re home, like usual.” He watched as Renjun rediscovered their shared apartment. Looking a little lost, he blinked his eyes a couple times. 

“You guys changed everything around?” Renjun mumbled, looking intently at the living room. 

“After you moved back home, we decided we’d do some spring cleaning.” He laughed, shutting the door behind Jeno. 

“I like it this way a lot better.” He smiled. “It’s more open like this.” 

“Mark Lee and Na Jaemin! Get your asses out here before I attack your door with my shoulder!” He yelled once more and gestured for them all to sit on the sofa. 

“Hey, Hyuck?” He perked up. “I don't even think they're here.”

“Oh, well then!” He continued on, “Thanks Jeno, would’ve been more appreciated about five minutes ago.” Renjun laughed at the two bickering. 

“I’ve missed that too.” His eyes lit up, “Remember when you and Jeno had that massive argument in the kitchen because no one had told you that the groceries weren’t done for the week and you went to the convenience store in your pyjamas?” 

“From my recollection Mister Huang, you were on groceries that week.” He giggled. This feeling was nice to finally be with the gang and to finally be happy again. 

“So!” The boy sat down on the sofa, “What do you have planned for the summer?” 

“Well, I was thinking of a road trip! We could spend a couple of nights in some of your favourite places and maybe take a few planes or two?” He smirked, booping the boy’s nose. 

“Wait, you’re saying that we can actually go to Disneyland?” Renjun couldn’t contain the loving heartbeat that felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. Maybe, everything would be alright. 

When night fell once more and the city lights lit up the ambient night, a burnt smell came from the kitchen where a frantic Jeno was wailing. Jeno was currently responsible for dinner on this day, according to the house schedule. He had been hyping up his tuna casserole for a mere three weeks now and by the smell of it, the hype just wasn’t there. A metallic burnt smell came from the most expensive appliance they bought, the epic electric stove top to which Mark didn’t know how to use. 

“See, this is why Jaemin cooks!” Speaking of the devil, the boyfriend of said boy waltzed in the kitchen still in his infamous bow tie and throw-over cardigan thing he had bought at a thrift store a couple of days ago. If anyone were to judge Jeno’s cooking, it was going to be Mark. 

“Oh great.” Jeno turned off the electric stove and hid the tuna casserole behind him. 

“I’m just gonna ignore the burnt smell and keep walking.” He sighed, walking towards the living room. Jeno bit his lip before bursting out into laughter 

The first couple of days they had spent together, Renjun was cuddled up in Donghyuck’s arms as they watched reruns of South Park on the television. A comforting hand was always running down the length of his spine which made Renjun’s heart flutter. An amazing feeling but not one that he should experience often. 

“Donghyuck.” He looked up from the boy’s chest. The said boy brushed a strand of lingering hair behind his ear. 

“Yes angel?” The pet names, he loved them - but it wasn’t helping. 

  
“M-my heart, it’s-” And Donghyuck’s face dropped in an instant, letting go off Renjun’s petite body and moving away. He felt bad that he was even capable of making him feel like that. “It’s not your fault.” He reassured him, although he didn’t believe it. “Hey, if I had it my way, I would’ve let you do that forever.” He laughs, small steps closer to the boy. 

“I just forget that, that’s the way it is now.” His voice was filled with sadness and it broke Renjun’s already broken heart even more. 

“Look at me.” Renjun hooked his pointer finger under the boy’s chin and turned his head gently. “We both didn’t want this, but that’s what life gave me. So, I either have to suck it up and make it another day or suffer in my own sadness and bring down the people that I love.” 

“How are you always so positive?” 

“When you spend so much time being upset about yourself and problems you can’t fix, you have no other choice to accept it and realise that tomorrow is another day.” Renjun booped the boy’s nose, pulling away. “Now! Let’s continue watching! I love this episode.” He was back under the blankets, popcorn bowl on his lap and his eyes focused upon the television. Donghyuck stared in awe at the boy who had merely just made a negative situation in something better than it was. He really had something to learn from the boy - maybe he should start with being more positive.

Renjun was quite a reserved person when it came to addressing and confronting his wants and desires. He seemed to believe that by keeping them suppressed within his mind that the problems would just go away - although we all know it isn’t that easy. 

As he sat on their sofa eating a bowl of Lucky Charms, he got lost in reality. The bland cereal was mixed with colourful pieces. Butterflies, rainbows or just plain colour and it makes him think. 

“One day, I just want all of them to be colourful.” He sighed, taking a spoonful. Renjun knew that for it to happen, he had to be lucky but we all know why he never thought he was. The bland cereal was shoved into his mouth. 

“Ren! Hey, you did know there were eggs on the counter?” Jaemin mentions to which the boy just hums in response, savouring the flavourless cereal. 

“I haven’t seen you for ages! Have you been good?” He opened the fridge doors and scanned through the contents. Renjun’s gaze drifted over to the boy. He had noticeably grown taller, his face was matured and his hair was dyed a faint pink. It had only been six months but it seemed as if all of his friends grew up and he just stayed the same. It hurt, you know? That feeling of just being left out on the experiences that were taken from you. 

“Yeah, I’m good!” A fake smile as his spoon swam around the cereal. He didn’t realise how weird it was to be back home - well, his old home. The house used to be with all five of them, photos of all their outings hung upon the wall and Renjun’s little retro touch on all the furniture, but now only their bland styles combined to create a colourless world. “Just glad to be back.” 

There was no way that Renjun was going to open up and say to Jaemin how he felt lonely. It just wasn’t him. He was strong and he knew he was going to get through this. A door slammed, pulling the boy from his thoughts. 

“Mark! How was w-” Jaemin was cut off by a passionate kiss from Mark who had stormed over to where he stood. Renjun’s eyes widened before pushing himself up off the couch and excusing both him and his cereal. He made his way to Donghyuck’s room, knocking lightly three times.

A faint, “Come in!” was heard as Renjun opened the door to a sprawled out Donghyuck. His arms were up to the ceiling as he flicked them around and tried to cure himself from what seemed to be boredom. 

“When did that happen?” Renjun slowly moved himself inside the room as he heard a faint laugh from the kitchen. 

“What happened?” Donghyuck pushed himself up alerted. 

Renjun laughing, taking a mouthful of cereal. “Flirty McFlirt and his prince.” 

  
“Oh! Them. I think around six months ago? You know, while everything was going on. They comforted each other and now they’re a thing.” He shrugged, watching Renjun’s expression. “Did they make out in front of you?” 

“No! Mark just stormed in and decided it’d be a good idea for his lips to be pressed to his face.” Renjun whined and placed the bowl on the boy’s desk. 

“You want a hug?” He’s arms were open and inviting - Renjun didn’t care as he embraced the boy. They sat on the boy’s bed cuddled up into one another, unresponsive to the outside world. “I’m so glad you’re back. I’m never going to let you leave for that long again.” 

Renjun smiled as the morning dragged on. 

Later that night was when things went downhill for the first time. Mark had proposed a movie night where they’d watch something off of their huge recommendation list of Netflix movies and since Renjun was the most recent visitor, he got first pick. 

His fingers laid gently over the controller's grooves as he looked at all the options. He felt his heart speed up, he didn’t know why. A hand snaked around his shoulder, squeezing it tightly. 

“It doesn’t matter what you pick.” The whisper was unexpected, causing a cold chill that racked his spine. He swore he’d never heard Donghyuck’s voice go that deep in his life. Renjun took the advice and pressed on the first thing he saw. He fled straight back into Donghyuck’s arms. 

The movie turned out to be the saddest thing Renjun had ever seen, and for once he put himself in the character’s shoes. The girl was diagnosed with leukemia and you could see her struggle throughout the entire film until her demise where she finally looked to be at peace. Her sister was constantly tasked with trying to break away from her parents as they wanted her to give up her own life for her sick sister. 

He felt a tear drop down his face as the final scene began. Renjun started to choke on the sobs that were unstoppable as the voice over touched him. 

  
  


_ Once upon a time, I thought I was put on Earth to save my sister. But in the end I couldn’t do it. I realise now, that wasn’t the point. The point was I had a sister. She was fantastic. One day, I’m sure I’ll see her again. But until then, our relationship continues.  _

His heart pounded like an empty drum. Renjun let out a whine as he gripped his chest, the sharp and breathless pain was indescribable. He pushed himself up from where he laid on Donghyuck’s chest to sit upright, back hunched over. 

“J-jeno.” He wheezed, trying to get the boy’s attention but he was too busy scrolling through his phone. Anyone? Would anyone remember he existed for a mere two seconds? Could anyone give a spare hand and help him? He saw a glass of water on the coffee table and he knew what he had to do. With a push of his hand, the glass smashed on the floor with water going everywhere. 

“Fuck Renjun.” Mark pulled away from a sleeping Jaemin, seeing the boy in pain. “Renjun? Hey! Breathe, it’s okay!” He ran to the boy and grabbed his hands tightly. Renjun took in big breaths but his body continued to shake. “Jeno!” Mark looked back and yelled at the boy, still caught up in his phone. Renjun’s body went limp, falling forward into Mark’s crouched body. 

“Fuck.” Jeno tossed the phone, pushing himself up to where the two sat.

“What the hell do we do?” Mark was worried, really worried. 

“We have no choice but to take him back.” Jeno mumbled, running a comforting hand through Renjun’s messy hair. 

“They’ll keep him there! He won’t be able to get back out for the summer.” 

“Mark, he’s fucken sick! Use your brain! It’s better they keep him in case he gets worse.” Jeno pushed Mark’s shoulder. He was beyond annoyed. “Just get the car started, I’ll meet you at the front.” And he was gone. Jeno was left with a struggling Renjun who by every second seemed to be losing consciousness.

“Renny, open your eyes for me. Mhm?” Jeno supported the boy’s weight with an arm wrapped around his waist. “Look into my eyes, see?” Renjun was struggling to keep a normal expression on his face. 

“J-jeno.” He murmured, holding his chest. 

“What colour are my eyes?” He asked suddenly, Renjun furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 

“They..are, brown?” He stuttered. 

“Yes, keep looking into them. We’ll be there soon, I promise.” 

This view wasn’t different. The sight of Renjun lying in a bed with wires attached from all over his arms to a monitor. They still didn’t know what had happened, but they were thinking his emotions and feelings heightened the irregular heartbeat. It all became too much for the boy to handle and that’s when it spiraled out of control.

Jeno and Mark sat side by side in the waiting room outside of his room. Words lost and their hearts heavy from the helplessness they felt. Merely just friends who watched as one of their own kept falling and was unable to be stopped. The smell of disinfectant really ticked off Mark, it smelt too clean - nothing like the warmth of home. 

The doors opened as a pair of sneakers squeaked from the entrance. Donghyuck was running faster than Jeno had ever seen him run in his life before he stopped in front of the two. He crossed his arms, “You didn’t think to fucken tell me?” He snapped. 

Jeno stood up and tried to comfort him, “You were asleep! It was already stressful enough as it is.” 

“It’s my fucken best friend you’re talking about. I needed to be there for him.” Donghyuck shoved Jeno back down into his seat. 

“Hey! Stop.” Mark pushed Donghyuck back further into the corridor. “He’s our close friend and we’re all here for him! Stop thinking just because you love him, you have to carry the entire burden! We’re here too!” Mark yelled at the shocked Donghyuck. He reflected and composed himself once again, “I’m sorry but someone had to tell you that.” 

“Thanks, I guess.” He shrugged, making his way back into the waiting room. 

Donghyuck never spoke to Renjun when he’d enter the room he laid in. He’d only bring a small portable projector and a speaker. He lay beside the boy, hand in hand as they watched the ceiling project the sunset and sunrise of the river near them. Summer wasn’t exactly what Donghyuck planned but he knew that just as long as he made the boy beside him happy maybe they could continue to live their lives out of the box. 

Renjun maybe was confined but his love for Donghyuck would never be limited. Who needed to go outside and see the sun? When the sun was right here beside him. He knew he'd keep fighting and that one day they'd have their road trip, but the time wasn't now - he wasn't strong enough yet.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> leave your thoughts! ♡♡
> 
> i'd love to give a massive thank you for mod jump for creating this amazing fest and for giving us the opportunity to write based on Lorde songs! thank you for your tireless hours and dedication spent on making this what it is! we love you!


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